Bonfire!!

Last night, we decided to have a bonfire where my sister came home from University. A bucket of clams were boiled and a bucket of corn waiting to go on the stove. It's a bonfire, everything sounds fun right? Well I thought it was going to be fun too but that turned out different.

 Mom decided to invite the neighbours to our left over, which isn't a big deal they're very nice quiet cause no trouble. But at the mention of inviting our neighbours to our right over she flips -_- The neighbours I get along wih best, talk to the most and hangout with more aren't invited. Go figure right.

So here's a night were supposed to be spending time with my sister while she's home and where am I? Next door at the neighbours who werent invited. Why? Because mom suggested that if I wanted to spend time with them that much I should leave the bonfire and go over there instead. I know you're probably saying well why did you go over then? It probably pissed your mother off more when you went over.... I said I would stay for my sister, because after all this bonfire was for her. She came out of the house and asked me what I was doing tonight? Did I have a new guy lined up to go meet.

I left because I knew if I stayed something was gonna crack. So what I talk to more guys then I do girls doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with them. I dont know how I became the talk of my family, I was always just an outcast. It sounds bad to say but lately I would much rather go back to bein the family outcast then the slutty sister :(

Noones family is perfect, noones family is a total disaster, but lately it feels like my family is on the track to disaster. Or at least the track with me on it...

Middle child syndrome

Being the middle child sucks! I myself have gotten the privledge?...to be stuck between two other sisters. My older sister happens to be three years older then me while my younger sister isnt even one year younger, a better way to understand it is that me and my little sister are the same age for 4 days:( I honestly dont know how multiples do it.

Being stuck in the middle with a little sister so close in age to me I find I get stuck on the outside when it comes to family matters. My older sister was always mommys little girl, my little sister was daddys little girl no matter where we went she had to be holding daddys hand, by daddys side or she would throw a temper. So where do I get sat in the midst of it all? Well I made myself invisible, I was off in my own mind making a fake world that I could escape to whenever I needed.

The biggest downfall I found that came with my own little world, was the fact I began to trust every new person that came into my life. Or the fact that I have absolutely no relationship with anyone in my family other then the minimal I managed to collect with my father. Me and my sisters literally don't talk about anything, we are all to the point we're all in different schools. My mother and I fight with eachother at leat once a day if not more. My father... well how much can I tell my father about whats going on in my life becoming a woman? Not enough to make him my motherly figure.

This has been like this for the longest I can remember soo many times I've wished for it to change, but I have to keep telling myself to work on it as the days progress I have to be willing to change it. It wont change on its own. So as I work on changing my relationships with y family members I will do my best to keep everyone updated. Thats if there is someone who actually reads my blogs, but if there is thanks for reading and thanks for keeping up with me!!